I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My vagina just clenched in fear
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
