"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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