i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
3 2 1 whiskey
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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