i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
