So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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