people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
