meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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