Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
