I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
