Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize