i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
