I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
