yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just want to make out with him forever
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I love you. Go after that dick
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
