Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
