when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
did i walk over a car last night?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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