Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
