The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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