So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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