how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
