After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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