yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
