dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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