3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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