Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
this boner is exhausting
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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