I hope mine doesn't look like that
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
