Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize