he shaved USA in his pubs
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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