i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
