i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize