I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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