Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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