it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
