If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
