You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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