i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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