the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
