i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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