wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
