Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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