he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
