I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
