Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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