i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Farmville is her only friend.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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