week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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