i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize