everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
