this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
