Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
