I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
