No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Text me some of your sweat
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
