Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
