there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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