don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
