If that was your dad, he is hot
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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