i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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