so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
