shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
