i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
