i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
