its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
