I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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