woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
