if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
