I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
