I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
