She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
