I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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