Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
