i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
