im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
