I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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