I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
