so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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