Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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