that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
No stitches, just platelets and will power
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
