I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
