I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
