Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
