maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
