I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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