Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This is classic penis vs brain.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize