Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
