Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
