The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
