were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
