You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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