Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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