I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
