youre lurking in front of me
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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