Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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