You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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