I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
