Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
