you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
