Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
