That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
