if i can run in heels then i can drive
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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