i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
