dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
