we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
