tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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