She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize