I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
