Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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