i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
