dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
