Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
