Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Two words: nipple clamps
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