they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
