And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
