i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
