I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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