I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
