I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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