i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
