so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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