He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
