I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
