Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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