I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
