I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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