YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
