i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
