The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
