after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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