i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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