Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he shaved USA in his pubs
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
