Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
