are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
